I have a control problem. No, not controlling other people - I mean controlling every THING. I think it is somehow infused into our minds that control = happiness. Control = security. And that we should strive for control because it will make life better. But does it really?
These days, the things I do in my free time aren't necessarily for my own enjoyment or for making things better for others. I try to micro-manage every single aspect of my life in hopes that continually improving it and eventually perfecting it will bring me peace and happiness. And the weird thing is, deep down inside I know it won't but I keep doing it anyway. I've organized and re-arranged our 2 storage rooms 4 times now (we've lived here less than 2 years!). I've organized my photo collection multiple times in hopes that it would motivate me to work more on scrapbooking. I've many times attempted using a meal planner (apps, paper, whiteboards, you name it) in hopes of actually making meals when I say I will so my husband will know what is for dinner that day. And I have many times redone the cleaning schedule in hopes that I could actually keep up with it so that my home would stay tidy and not get out of control.
But honestly, this is all I ever do. Fix, fix, fix. Plan, plan plan.
I am in constant planning mode - in the hopes that once I finally figure all of these things out, my life will be better. And as I have been shown time and time again, there is no such thing as and end and there is not such thing as figuring all this stuff out. It's a result of the dreaded Pinterest Perfectionist Disease! Where exactly is all of this work getting me? Matthew 6:25-26 says:
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?
26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
Instead of wasting so much of time perfecting the details of my life, what would happen if I used all of that time for something more worthwhile? Things that make a LASTING impact. I've been investing so much in the idea of perfection, but I believe it's time to invest in truly living. I know this won't be an overnight change in how I go about my day, but today I think I will start by praying about it.
